It’s no secret that lots of women don’t orgasm through penetrative sex. It’s lucky then, that the hands (and mouth, more on oral sex tips here) can be used to pleasure a woman in wonderful ways.

Using your fingers to give pleasure is not just a great way to learn about your partner’s body and find out what they like, it can be the main event in itself.

All about the vagina

Before you begin, it’s important to know what you’re working with. First off, let’s start with the vagina versus vulva situation and explain the difference.

The term vagina technically just refers to the muscular canal (the tube that babies pass through) that connects the uterus to the vulva.

Whereas, the word vulva covers everything on the outside of the vagina – this includes the pubic mound, the inner labia (labia minora) and outer labia (labia majora) – otherwise known as the ‘lips’, the clitoris, the vaginal opening and the perineum (the skin between the vaginal opening and anal opening).

There’s lots to explore… and fingering a woman can include as many of these areas as she enjoys. And, if you want to take a slightly different approach, try fingering from behind.

Whichever way you go, your two main areas of interest are the clitoris and the vaginal opening, but the whole area is sensitive and deserves attention.

Learn what she likes

Every woman is different, but most masturbate, so she’ll probably already have a good idea of what turns her on. Ask your partner to masturbate in front of you so that you can see what she likes. Put your hand on top of hers to feel how fast she moves, how much pressure she likes and where she likes it.

If she’s too shy to show you, it’s time to do a little research of your own.

Get her in the mood

It’s never a great idea to make a beeline straight for the clitoris or vaginal opening… foreplay needs foreplay, too. Whether it’s kissing, touching her body or slowing right down, lighting some candles and giving her a shoulder massage before you get started, the more relaxed she is to start with, the better the experience will be for both of you.

It’s always a good idea to add some lube – this will help your fingers glide more smoothly, making the experience more pleasurable. Lube comes in lots of types. You can also start by massaging her inner thighs and area around the vaginal opening for more foreplay.

Keep your tools in order

Keep your hands clean and fingernails short – sharp nails and fingering aren’t a good combination. As well as making the whole thing more pleasurable, keeping your nails short and washing your hands will help to avoid any small vaginal tears, which as well as not feeling very nice, could lead to infection and increase the chances of catching an STI.

Use both hands

Try not to limit things by using just one hand. You can use your other hand to caress her breasts and stroke her thighs – or use the fingers of one hand to focus on her clit and the other for penetration.

Start with one finger and add more as she gets aroused or asks for more. Whatever you’ve heard, forget about fisting, unless she directly asks you for this – trying to fit more than two or three fingers in is a big no-no for most women.

How to finger the clitoris

The clitoris contains no less than 8,000 nerve endings. It might just look like a small ‘button’ from the outside, but it actually extends a lot further back than you’d think – up to five inches. To stimulate it, try cupping the pubic mound and gently rocking your hand. Other techniques on how to finger a woman include:

  1. Spreading the labia (lips) with one hand, with the heel of your hand on the clitoris, using fingers from the other hand for penetration.
  2. Sliding your fingers in a V-shape up and down the clitoris.
  3. Tapping the soft pad of your fingers over the pubic mound and clit or swirling your fingertips around the clit in ever-decreasing circles.

Experiment with different techniques, speeds and pressures to see what works best, but remember to start gently and work your way up – the clit can be very sensitive.


Is there or isn’t there, that is the question? Those that believe in the G-spot generally think it’s located around two inches inside the vagina. Some women swear they have a G-spot and others don’t believe it exists. Either way, there’s no harm in giving it a try. Here’s how:

  1. When she’s lying on her back, insert one or two fingers and imagine that you’re trying to reach the back of her belly button – that’s the general direction you’re aiming for anyway, you don’t actually want to go that far.
  2. The trick is to go in at an angle and use a curling motion to gently massage the top of the vagina.
  3. If you feel an area that resembles a bump and has a more textured feel to it then you could be on the right track.

Fingering isn’t just part of foreplay. It can be a wonderful way to show her how much you love pleasuring her and an easy way to thrill her if penetrative sex isn’t on the cards.

Your fingers can also come in handy if you ‘finish first’, so you don’t leave her high and dry.