Talking dirty has a bit of a bad reputation – think cheesy porn scenes and four-letter words being screamed at high pitch. But the truth is that dirty talk is used by many people and it’s a great way to heat things up, as well as improve the connection between you and your partner.

Why talk dirty to your partner?

Talking dirty to your partner as part of the build-up to sex can heighten sexual tension, leading naturally into physical foreplay and increased passion during sex. In fact, teasing can start hours before you are even alone together and get the anticipation going.

Dirty talk can also help when you are far away from the person you are craving. Picking up the phone to talk dirty, or even better Facetiming when you’re feeling horny can be a great experience. By knowing what to say to excite your partner, you can both get in the mood a lot quicker. Teamed with some sex toys and dimmed lights,it will be like you’re not even apart!

Talking dirty doesn’t have to be dirty…

The idea of repeating obscenities during sex doesn’t turn everyone on, but it doesn’t have to be all rude and dirty talk. Speaking to each other during sex can help to spark the moment and can also help to re-assure both partners that they’re doing a good job. Hearing your partner moan with pleasure or tell you that they’re really enjoying being with you lets you know that you’re doing something right and might encourage you to be a bit more daring.

What can i say?

Try to ease into talking dirty gradually rather than jumping straight in with something shocking – it’s a good idea to test the waters first, otherwise you might end up confusing your partner or putting them off.

Introducing some ‘build-up’ phrases is a good place to start and can help you both get into the flow of things before you have sex. Once you get into it and feel like your partner is responding well to what you are saying, you can become more adventurous and experiment with different words and phrases to see how they feel.

Here are a few dirty talk phrases that you could try before and during sex with your partner:

Before sex

  1. I really need you right now
  2. I get so turned on just thinking about you
  3. I can’t wait to feel you inside me/be inside you
  4. I want to give you the best oral you’ve ever had
  5. I want to kiss you, all over …
  6. You can do whatever you want to me tonight
  7. I can’t wait until we’re both alone so that I can get you naked
  8. I’m picturing us naked together right now
  9. I’ve just had the most amazing flashback to last night
  10. Fancy having an early night tonight?

During sex

  1. That/you feel so amazing
  2. I love how big/wet/soft you feel right now
  3. Please don’t ever stop what you are doing
  4. This is the best feeling ever
  5. You are turning me on so much
  6. I want you to take control of me
  7. I want to taste you
  8. I want to make you cum
  9. I’ve missed your body so much
  10. I want you to lick/kiss me here/there

How to talk dirty

Getting over nerves is the first step, especially if you haven’t used dirty talk with your partner before. Try to relax and have fun - if you’re already having sex with your partner, adding some dirty talk into the mix isn’t a big deal.

Sometimes, the way you say something during sex can be just as effective as what you’re actually saying. Try using gentle whispers and sultry tones if you can, whatever happens, you want to avoid the words coming out sounding too brash, offensive or derogatory – unless that’s what you’re both into.

It might sound silly but practicing what you’re going to say in advance can really help. If you are alone in your car or at home before your partner gets in, say a few phrases and practice the tone of your voice when you say it to see if it feels right. You will probably feel silly at the time, but at least you can avoid feeling like this in front of your partner later.

Why not try some dirty talk with your partner tonight and see if it works for you? Remember that the most important thing is that you both feel comfortable and enjoy the experience.