Sex can be a daunting topic and a frightening thought for some, especially if it is their first time ever or the first time with a new partner. There are so many questions around it, some that you might be too shy or embarrassed to ask your friend or partner. Here are some guidelines or tips to put you at ease and answer those questions.
Starting off with some tips:
1. Be safe
Make sure he is wearing a condom; insist on it even if you are on the pill or using other contraceptives. Take time to discuss your past sexual experiences but it is important especially if it isn’t your partners first time. Rather be proactive and safe, than having issues later on. We offer a wide range of fun condoms.
2. Don’t expect too much
It’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself or on him. Keep your expectations low and get comfortable with the person and each other’s bodies. Don’t be afraid to stop him/her if you feel it is going too far too quickly. Your partner needs to respect you and your body so make that clear from the beginning.
3. Relax and breathe
First time sex can be tense and sometimes painful. Allow yourself to relax and let go. Allow yourself to enjoy every moment and not be a nervous wreck.
4. Enjoy the foreplay
Don’t think too much of the actual penetration, allow yourself to open up and enjoy the foreplay. Everything that leads up to the big moment can make your experience incredible. So get into it. Try a massage gels or sex toys to spice things up and to build up to your love making.
5. Don’t be afraid to lube up
You want to be sufficiently lubricated before to ensure there is not discomfort. There are many flavours and types available so play around and see what works for you and your partner. Try out our sensual range of lubes.
6. Speak your mind
Don’t be shy to let him know what you feel, what you like and what you don’t. It’s important to tell him and he probably craves to know what you want. Return the favour and find out what he likes and doesn’t. Make it clear to your partner that it is your first time. Communication is key in all relationships, but even more when it comes to your sexual experiences. Clear the air in the beginning and see if he is worth losing your virginity to. Make sure it is someone with whom you share a special bond and feel a strong emotional connection. You don’t have to know what to do - again communicate and see how things go with your partner.
7. Don’t assume he knows everything
Even though men usually portray an image of knowing everything about sex, they probably don’t. He probably gets information from friends, porn or previous experiences. But each person is different and he is worried to please you, especially if it is your first time.
8. Avoid adding pressure to orgasm
Don’t expect to have an orgasm and add that unnecessary pressure. Most women don’t have one the first few times - it comes with time and being used to and comfortable with each other.
9. Don’t fake it
Tying in with the point above, don’t fake an orgasm for him or you. Let him know what is happening and work towards it, building trust in your relationship.
10. Keep him in mind
Just like you he can also get nervous. Premature ejaculation is common with first times, don’t make a big deal about it. Make him feel comfortable and it will work itself out.
As you can tell from these tips the most important thing is to be comfortable with each other, emotionally and physically. Don’t think about it too much and add unnecessary pressure. Always communicate with your partner before and after, so there won’t be any pressure to have sex if you not ready and you can openly express your feeling afterwards.
11. Now let us look at five common questions asked:
- Will it hurt?
- Should I tell him I am a virgin?
- How do I know what to do?
- What precautions should I take?
- What happens next?
Now to ease your mind, here are the answers:
Many women assume that it will be extremely painful to lose their virginity because of the hymen that will tear, right? Experts say that it may be uncomfortable at first but not very overwhelming and painful. The hymen can be broken already through masturbation, exercising and using tampons. It is normal to experience some bleeding during and after the first time and that is dependent on each women’s hymen. There will be a little blood, and if it is flowing there is a problem. Most of the pain a woman feels is because she is overly tense from being nervous at that moment, making the muscles tense up adding to the discomfort.
12. Sex positions
Try out different sex positions to see what makes you the most comfortable. The missionary position is usually the easiest to try at first. This sex position requires the man to be on top, while the woman spreads her legs wide around the man’s body from below him. There are also many other fun sex positions.
It can’t be emphasised enough how important it is to take precautionary measures. Don’t worry about what is going to happen next. If you have a strong and open relationship where you can easily communicate, you will be fine!